Personal diary – MS Spasms abruptly disturb a quiet night’s sleep

hi, it has been a while.. and this is an unusual post from me… but… Im scared.. :/

I had a very strange and painful incident this Sunday. My whole body was spasming/twitching in the middle of the night (at about 3am). It lasted a good 20-30mins:( After I took some paracetamol and drank a bit it went away. The strange thing is that it was just like the flu like symptoms I had after my first interferon/avonex injection (as expected, being a side effect), but I haven’t had it since then..and that was ages ago (2005!)

And so yesterday my whole body was aching and even before I went to bed I could feel it in my arms and legs. Not the spasming, but more like pain in the muscles/joints. And every time when I got up to pee last night I had such difficulties walking because my right foot went completely numb! :(

I stayed at home today, couldn’t go to work :( Luckily I have a Tysabri appointment later this afternoon so I will talk to a doctor, see what he/she can tell me.

So what does my mind start wondering about..? I am thinking of death..is it nearby? Is it time? Just thoughts going through my mind..stupid thoughts. Will my boyfriend stay with me despite my potential disabilities? Although he really truly does love me, and I know that, can’t help but worrying on his behalf if he ends up with a challenged girlfriend…even though I know he knew from the beginning what MS could bring… silly huh? maybe you’ve had the same thoughts going through your head.. I just always think of the OTHER person, and how do OTHERS feel and how would this/that make THEM feel – it seems I always put others first rather than me, and my feelings and needs. I might need to work on that… but maybe it is just the way I am and I wont be able to do anything about it..

Just so you know, I have been on Tysabri since January 2009 (after Avonex failed on me following 4 years of weekly injections *chills*) and I have been very happy with it. I also have been confirmed, and re-confirmed that I (unfortunately) also carry the JC Virus.

Anyways, I am worried but I hope it is just a bad relapse… You are more than welcome to share your experiences with me, I’d be happy to hear from you!

Thanks! and stay positive;)
/S